Update: the site has come back. Thank god.
So I'm sat here with one of my friends who is on the Contingent Management Team for the UK Moot 2017 expedition.
We've been working on updating the Moot 2017 website, which is managed using WordPress. WordPress is normally fine and updates without a hitch. Today however, an update to a module has created the below page:
Thankfully I hav efound a post about what causes this. Turns out, some WordPress upgrades fail as the maintenance process hangs. Huge thanks to Wendy Cholbi for finding this process and explained how to resolve the issue!
I really hope my friend can find out who the server monkey is who can delete the .maintenance file.